Karen's Account

I was due for a routine smear test in February 1997. You know how it is, trying to find the time to fit it in. Well anyway I eventually went for my smear test in April 1997. I received a letter saying that due to abnormalities I would have to go and see a gynaecologist. My heart sank, I have always been for smear tests on time in the past. I received an appointment for Tuesday June 24th 1997 to see the gynaecologist. I was told it wasn't Cancer, but they needed to do a biopsy to see what they were dealing with.

They did a biopsy that very same day. I was feeling frightened, tense and didn't know what was happening to me. Next thing I know my legs are up in stirrups and there is a television screen in front of me viewing down below. I just froze; I didn't think anything of it. The nurses were holding both my hands and telling me to squeeze as hard as I wanted, because I was so frightened. I was also told not to look at the television screen in front of me. Next thing the gynaecologist told me I was so tense that he was unable to do the biopsy today and would have to re-arrange it and try a different day but with me being knocked out. An appointment was made for the Thursday June 26th,

I had to attend as a day case into hospital and they would put me under general anaesthetic to perform the biopsy. They wouldn't tell me anything on that day about what they found. I was given an appointment on Tuesday July 1st to see the gynaecologist, and was told that I did have Cancer. I broke down in tears and started sobbing. I asked where do we go from here? I was so frightened and so scared being in the room alone. My Nana was crying in the other room because she could hear me screaming and crying when they told me the results. I was told by the gynaecologist that the course of action was to do a Hysterectomy to remove the cancer. Also I may have to have Chemotherapy or radiotherapy. Because I was so young it didn't hit home what was happening and how my future would be affected.

All I thought about was my mum. My mum died of the same disease, The Big 'C' at the age of 24, back in 1977. Back then they couldn't do much for her. I can remember she had little pigtail plaits, and she was so little, so lovely, so pretty, but I would wouldn't I, I am her only daughter. I can remember going to the hospital and her pigtails had gone, she had really short hair. Mummy wasn't mummy. She was gaunt, and looked like all the life had been sucked out of her. She gave me a big massive cuddle. My grampa got her home just after Christmas and she died on January 11th 1977 at home. God Rest Her Soul. She was only 24.

All I was worried about was my hair. I know it sounds selfish, but at the time because I was so young, I wasn't thinking about Babies, only the way I looked.

They wanted me in hospital on the Wednesday (the following day) to perform the hysterectomy, but I said NO, I had things that I needed to sort out. That evening all my friends and family came around to see me, and we were drinking my grampa's sherry. I said 'sod this', also my Auntie and my friend Helen and we all went down the off licence to get dumpy bottles of lager. And we all drank the night away.

The following morning, it was Thursday July 3rd, my Nana woke me up at 6am to get ready to go to the hospital for 7am. All I done before I left the house was be sick, every five minutes. And NO, it wasn't from all the drinking, it was due to nerves and the fact of not knowing the unknown. I got onto a hospital ward at 7am, and had all the routine checks done and also blood tests. My Nana and my best friend Helen were by my side as I was wheeled down to theatre for my operation. All I knew was that I would never have children, but at the time it wasn't important. But I would have loved to have had children in the future. No one would tell me anything about what was happening.

I was 4 1/2 hours in theatre. When the surgeon came around later after the operation to see how I was, he told me he had removed my cervix and my womb, and also all the Lymph Nodes in that area. He had left me with my ovaries and tubes. He then complained about my stomach muscles, he asked if I worked out? I said No. do you walk a lot? Yes I do. Do you do sit ups? Yes I do. Then he told me my stomach muscles were like concrete and took about half an hour just to get through the muscle. From the time of my biopsy to the time of my operation, only 7 days, The Cancer had travelled 2 ¾ inches (that's about 7 centimetres). After the operation I was on morphine pain killers, which was brilliant stuff, until it wore of that is and then I was in a lot of pain. My family came in to see me every single day, and all I was saying was 'The pain, The pain'. And my auntie took the mick by saying 'The plane, The plane', a saying from fantasy island.

By the way I forgot to mention that it was my 26th Birthday on the Monday (July 7th) after the operation. What a birthday present, being told I had cancer and spending it in hospital.

All the nurses were very sweet and on the Monday, my family came in, and the nurses surprised me by bringing strawberry gateaux as a birthday cake. I will always remember when the tea lady came round asking who wanted tea? My little 4 year old cousin at the time said Yes Please and we all burst out laughing. She is nearly 11 now and Yes she did have her cup of tea. She stays with us quite often now and treated just like she is ours.

I came out of hospital on Wednesday July 9th, and had to sit on a cushion in the car to try and dampen all the bumps off the road, but I was still able to feel every single bump. Now I am back in my Nana's, recovering, hibernating, I was safe, I was fine. Nobody knew where I was until the word got around that I had been ill and was staying in my grand parents. Next minute the phone wouldn't stop ringing, the doorbell kept on going, and in the end me Nana turned them away because I needed my rest. The living room looked like a florists and a card shop. But I got over it.

A fortnight later, the girls were back with a vengeance knocking the door. In the end I gave in and went out with them Talent Spotting. And Yes I was single. We were in a local pub having a quiet drink and a chat when this gang of guys come walking in, after a while I noticed one of them kept staring at me, and I don't like being stared at. I then went to the bar and he approached me, and asked if I would like a drink, I said No Thanks I am quite capable of buying my own drink. None of us knew any of these guys. My friends and I went to a local nightclub and the guys also went. One of the guys tried to get me to stand up and have a dance, but I had to tell him I couldn't as it had only been three weeks since my operation. Three of the guys decided to leave and said Good Bye. I then got up and had a little boogie, plus holding my belly. Next thing I know, one of the guys that had left earlier came back. His name was Kerry and we started talking the rest of the night away. We arranged to meet the following day, we were both very shy but still managed to find something to talk about and started seeing each other every day. Then we became a couple. My family took to Kerry very well. And the spooky thing about it all was that we were both Cancerians, with only 4 days between our birthdays. We both have the same temperaments, we both know what each other thinks and wants.

In August one of my cousins gave birth to a baby girl, and then in November another cousin gave birth to another baby girl. Both cousins found it very hard to talk to me, and basically didn't bother speaking to me because they didn't know what to say. That year I had a lot of ups and very big downs. The fact of what had happened didn't really sink in until quite a few months after the operation.

I had my first out-patient appointment about 6 weeks after the operation. For the first year I had to attend every 3 months, then every 6 months for the next 2 years, then every 12 months. During all this time I was in remission for cancer. In January 2002 I was given the all clear from cancer. I had to go to one final appointment in January 2003 where they told me that they no longer needed to see me again. They told me I no longer need to have smear tests.

The upsetting thing about going to the out-patient appointments was that the Gynaecology clinic was right next to ante-natal clinic, which meant that they used the same waiting area. There was me waiting for my appointment, knowing full well that I was unable to have children, and the women sitting around me were all pregnant. It was very upsetting and the more I was coming to terms with the fact that I couldn't have children, the more it was affecting me and sometimes I would have to wait in an empty examination room until my appointment. Another thing that really annoyed me was that I used to see a different gynaecologist's understudy every time, and they never read through my notes before each appointment. The first questions they would ask me every single time were, When was your last period? And also Is there any chance that you may be pregnant? This really used to annoy and upset me.

We bought a new house and moved in together on December 20th 1998, just 5 days before Christmas. But before we moved in we decided to have a holiday abroad and went to Tenerife for 2 lovely long weeks at the beginning of December. The weather was Glorious and in mid to late 20's every single day. Something that I said to Kerry before we moved in together was that I wanted some commitment, and he just laughed it off. Unbeknown to me, he had purchased an engagement ring before we went on holiday, to propose to me in Tenerife. It wasn't the most romantic proposal, he couldn't find the courage to ask me. He eventually asked me after we had been out sailing to see the dolphins and whales, I was feeling rather ill when we returned back to our apartment and went for a lie down and so he plucked up the courage to propose when I was resting in bed, I know, I know not the most romantic of places to propose, but it did bring a smile to my face and cheer me up. We had an engagement party in January 1999, giving us time to settle into our new house and get ourselves straight.

Since December 1998 I had complained about severe abdominal pain in my right side at every appointment. All they used to tell me was that I had Irritable Bowel Syndrome. How they knew this I do not know, I didn't have any tests done and they wouldn't do anything about it. In May 2000 they done keyhole surgery and removed some adhesions that they say was causing the pain. I was still in considerable pain following the operation and they just used to blame it on Irritable Bowel Syndrome. They wouldn't do anymore about it. In the end I decided to get a second opinion and paid private to see a gynaecologist. My appointment came through for April 2001, I told him the problem and after a quick examination of my side, he told me straight away what he thought the problem was and said that I needed an operation to fix it. He told me that it sounds and feels like my ovary has stuck down due to the adhesions from my operation. He would try and do the operation through keyhole, but if that fails he will have to open me up on my hysterectomy scar. He said my options were, I could pay private to have the operation or I could wait on the NHS which could take up to 4 months. I said that I had this pain for nearly 2 1/2 years and that another 4 months wouldn't hurt, it was nice that someone had taken notice and realised that there is a problem. I said that the best time for me was the first 2 weeks in August, due to my work, but he said the NHS couldn't promise a date and that it could be anytime. As it happens the date came through and turned out to be end of July which was perfect timing for me. I went ahead with the operation, he tried keyhole but due to all the adhesions he couldn't get through. Then he tried my old hysterectomy scar and failed there also due to adhesions. So he had to make a new insertion just above my original scar. After the operation he told me he had never seen such a mess, he had removed my ovary and tube on the right hand side and also part of my bowel along with some adhesions. He then told me that my ovary had been imbedded in my pelvis and that there were so many adhesions, he had taken as many away as he could, any more and one slip of the knife could have killed me, and that surgery in that area again in the future was not possible. It was too life threatening. I had been under so many different gynaecologists during the time I first discovered I had cancer, that I think I have seen all of them from the hospital.

I started my job after a few years on the sick due to the hysterectomy in January 2001. During the last few appointments in the clinic, we were discussing different options for the future. Had we thought about adoption or fostering? An appointment was set up with the adoption department in the hospital for a chat about our options. That appointment was the worst thing that could happen. All you here about is how short they are for adoption families, but this woman we spoke too, well if you were anti-adoption then she had the top award. Everything that could be said or done to turn someone against adoption, she said it. We came out of that appointment and thought, well if that is how they try and entice people in adoption then I can see why they are so short of families.

About 2 1/2 years ago, we were at a family gathering and talking about fostering, adoption and surrogacy when my brothers girlfriend said that she would be a surrogate mother for us. We said that we would all have to sit down and talk about it. In the meantime, we started gathering information and made an appointment with my GP to discuss our options. My GP then referred us to the outpatient gynaecologist to discuss what options we had for surrogacy. We had an appointment and went to discuss things through, we then had to make an appointment with a different gynaecologist who specialises more in this sort of thing. His name was Peter Bowen Simpkins and he was lovely and fully understanding. By the time we saw Mr Simpkins my Brothers girlfriend had discussed the matter with my brother, and my brother had put his foot down and stopped her from doing it, he already had children himself. When we had our appointment for Mr Simpkins, we discussed the options we had and what we would like to do. We told him we did have some one lined up to be a surrogate for us but it had fallen through. He then came out and said that if we were willing then he could assist us in any way he could and that he liked a challenge. He later told us he prefers a challenge any day compared to straight forward routines. He said that due to the fact that I had had cancer, and that cancer was a disease. He would contact the local authority and see if we could get funding for the treatment, this was in January 2003. He said that he was friendly with the health correspondent in the local paper and he would see if they would like to do a story on our life. While we were waiting to see if we could get funding, we spoke to the councillor, who also covers the IVF clinic and had some sessions with her.

In June 2003 the local paper did do an article on our life story, which made the front page of the early edition. A surprise for us was that two people actually contacted the paper about our story offering to assist us. Also at the same time out of the blue, The IVF clinic received an email from a woman who was interested in being a surrogate, she had thought about it for quite some time, and the clinic told her we have got someone who is looking but are waiting for funding to come through. The first woman from the paper was a 31 year old with 5 children and she was in the local paper the following day saying she would assist us, the second woman was a 42 year old with 2 children but she was on anti-depressants and not willing to have a C-Section if there were problems during the birth. Nothing was able to be done until the funding came through, which finally came through in November 2003. By this time the councillor in the IVF clinic had not kept in contact with the woman who emailed them and she had gone to COTS in September 2003 and was now working with a couple through COTS. The 31 year old was having problems of her own in the pelvic region and needed to have an operation of her own, so therefore no longer suitable. And the 42 year old was not suitable from the start.

It was after all this disappointment that we started looking on the internet at sites in America and Cots, and then we found Surrogacy UK. After a few initial questions and a few discussions we became members in January 2004. Then we started the process of becoming Gold members. We got married on April 23rd this year in a registry office, went out for a family meal, and then had a big party in the evening. The Sunday before our wedding we attended our first mini Get Together for Surrogacy UK. It was a nerve racking experience but well worth attending. Everyone made us so welcome. During June this year I started having problems again with severe pains in my right hand side. The pain got so severe that I couldn't take anymore and went to casualty. They admitted me to a ward and kept me in for a few days while they carried out some tests. I got discharged from hospital on the Tuesday before the Stratford Get Together. We didn't know if we could make it, but in the end I was feeling a bit better and we decided to go to Stratford where we became Gold members. In hospital they did an ultrasound scan and discovered a mass on my right hand side. Because of my background, they were very concerned. There were 2 nurses, 3 gynaecologists, and 2 registrars deciding what the best cause of action would be. They wanted to do keyhole surgery to have a look at what was going on, but it was too life threatening to operate. To operate was the last, last option. They decided then to sent me for an M.R.I. scan. The appointment arrived and I had the scan within a fortnight. When I received the results, when I went to clinic. I was told that it was not a mass, it was just a cyst and nothing to worry about. They weren't sure where it came from, but they would be keeping a close eye on it. I have got another ultrasound scan in November, and another in December, then an appointment in clinic to find out the results, and then go from there. The hardest part about it all, Is that we are surrounded by young children in the family, which always triggers something inside. Of course we love them all, but it is not quite the same as having your own.

So here we are now, just like the majority of you reading this, Hoping to be Intended Parents and so this is the journey so far as of October 2004.